All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
