Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
