it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
