ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
