we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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