i don't like sucking hair
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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