New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
