I think my vagina is haunted
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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