He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
