Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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