So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
jump out the window naked night went bad
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