we're blogging at a bar
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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