Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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