I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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