Apparently you make a good broom.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
