We won't sleep together?
Yo dont text me then not text me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
