I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
