did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize