3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
