If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
