what day is it and did you see me today?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
