you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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