Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
