I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
