is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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