Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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