Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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