i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
