The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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