i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
