we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
