we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
