Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
