yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
