I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize