I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
