I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
