and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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