I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
