please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
