Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
