I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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