Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
