I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
