The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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