wanna go halves on a baby?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
