its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize