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my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
