I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize