Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
