I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
