first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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