Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
