is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
