i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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