Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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