A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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