Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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