Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
