we have officially lost it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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