You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
