we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
