theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
