Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
