Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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