i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
