from now on my penis is your penis
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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