Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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