I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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