so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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