can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's never too late to be topless.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
